our first weeks in the us & moving into the new house

we arrived in the states totally jet-lagged (of course) & spent the first night at an airport hotel.  we were so glad we were able to crash immediately (well, after waiting to get through customs, collect luggage & for ben to get the rental car).  the next morning we hit the road after breakfast & were binghamton-bound, anxious to see the house we were in contract for but hadn't yet actually seen in person (biggest & best on-line purchase yet!).  

dede gave emre fruit loops from the hotel breakfast & he would not let go of them for ANYTHING.

sunshine baby!  jet-lag wasn't getting him down.

sooo tired

we were all pretty exhausted, but when we stopped off at the new york state welcome center, the fall foliage and crisp air was so refreshing & welcoming.  just what we needed to feel as though we were on the right path.

my folks met us in binghamton (mom had already been to the house and - though we didn't own it - posted a welcome banner & decorated for halloween!).  they were just a touch excited to have us living so close.

dad meeting kaan for the first time

some really early mornings with jet-lagged babies.  lots of cuddle time at the 'bird hotel' (hilton garden inn) where we stayed the first week.

did i say lots of early mornings?  more like middle of the night, just hanging out with one very confused baby.

…yep, more hanging out in the wee hours!  but those big brother/baby brother snuggles made it so worth it.

we had some great nights hanging out with dede

kaanie keeps us entertained

we closed on the house the tuesday after our arrival (monday was a national holiday).  in that first week, once the sun finally came up & the stores opened, ben & i would leave emre with dede (taking kaan with us) and run the millions of errands we needed to in order to get the house settled asap.  that meant paint shopping (we had the interior painted by an awesome kid named nick before we moved in), furniture shopping (beds were the first priority), several trips to lowe's, home depot, you name it.  the process of course took months but we were able to get what we needed to accomplished in time for our move.  a major feat!

i spent a LOT of time in the empty house waiting for deliveries, keeping an eye on various folks (like the horrible 'cleaners' i mistakenly hired), and finally, checking off every box that the movers delivered from our container, all the while with kaan strapped to my chest.  i nursed him in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, changed him on the floor and kept him warm before the heat was turned on.  what a crazy time.

since our container was not scheduled to arrive for almost two weeks after we closed, we decided to leave the painter to do his stuff & head to my folks for a week.  ben drove his dad to boston, where he caught a flight back to turkey.  sarah, jeff & theo came to binghamton to see the new house & then we all headed up to my folks, where we stayed for a week (such a luxury not having to live in an empty house all that time).  since we had not visited from turkey since the previous christmas, it really felt like we were just visiting for the month.  it took a loooong time for that feeling to go away.  

reunited with our feo-bear

saying 'see you later' to dede

boys, happy to be at grandma's house

mommy, happy to be with her boys

grandma - THRILLED to have her grandkids

ben joined us after an emotional goodbye with his dad, and was in need of some snuggles from his sons

after one last miserable stay in the hotel (we were SO done with hotels after a month of being homeless), our 'stuff' finally arrived.  

on the other side!

the movers did an incredible job & not one piece was damaged in the move (never mind that one of the guys on this end sliced open a bed & ripped the upholstery in the process - he felt worse about it than we did).  seeing our possessions again and feeling like we could 'settle in' finally was like heaven.  the movers took about 3 hours to unload, and ben and i spent the rest of the day unpacking necessities as quickly as we could.  by nightfall i think we had the majority at least unboxed.  we were just a little excited to finally be 'home' again!

first dinner in the new house - thank you sarah for ordering on our behalf!

four months

closing a chapter and saying goodbye

balkayas exiting ankara

believe me, i'm not exaggerating when i say these past 7 or 8 weeks have been a complete whirlwind for ben and i.  i will look back and remember them in a blur - i already do… those last weeks in ankara were so chaotic, running every minute of every single day to wrap up our life there.  then, a wonderful pause - a breath of air - as we traveled to munich for a trip we had booked before we knew this move was happening.  five blissfully peaceful days of enjoying one of our favorite cities with our two boys, knowing it would be our last european excursion for a long while (that brought some tears).

then, back to ankara for three more incredibly stressful days.  running from place to place, closing up the office, taking our last looks at the house (apartment) we had made a home (that brought a LOT of tears).  a lovely evening out with friends who gathered to say goodbye.

it was pretty gut wrenching, saying good bye to a city i didn't even know i loved that much.  between the two of us, it was me who didn't feel ready to say goodbye, who was sobbing as our plane taxied down the runway.   sure, it was a hard place to live.  it was getting harder, noticeably, by the day.  since we've been back everyone seems to tell us the same thing: you left at the right time.  and i guess we did.

but... it will always be the place where i grew to love ben even more deeply.  where we realized that ours was a commitment we'd spend our lives fulfilling.  where i suffered the most painful, most numbing heartbreak i've yet to endure.  where i survived two (somewhat difficult) pregnancies, and birthed my two beautiful boys; where i became a mom.  it's a place i grew to know (in parts) like the back of my hand.  it was no longer foreign, i had reached a comfortable familiarity and rhythm.

i understand now what people mean when they say you can never go back home.  for my little family, home will always be in two parts of the world.  few people will truly understand that.  ben has spent his lifetime saying goodbye to one side of his family or the other, and now i can begin to understand what that feels like.  it's such an incredible blessing to us, getting to know these different parts of the world so intimately, being fortunate enough to call them home.  but it's also such a curse, never being able to bring the two together.

goodbye for now, turkey.

our last weeks in ankara

here are some photos that tell the story of our last weeks in ankara.  it was such a bittersweet time as we wrapped up our life as we knew it & prepared to begin a new chapter in the us.  so thankful for the friends & family who helped us through it - especially ben's aunts & dad, who took such good care of us & our boys.  the weather was hot right up until we left on october 11th.  the extended stay hotel where we stayed after our pack-out was terrifically old & turkish & there were a number of asian families (diplomats) staying there, also with young children.  the staff adored emre.  ben's dad lent us his bmw to transport emre around town after we sold our car & i loved driving it.  my former boss gave me a hell of a time after we announced our departure & we were dealing with the stress of that on top of closing up our apartment and the office.  these are the things i remember about that time.

one last brunch with nilay & kids (beautiful evie & devrim)

discussing with emre the time frame of upcoming events (we had a calendar we went over nightly) - also, the last evening/dinner in our apartment

packing out (they really did wrap everything individually.  it was amazing.)

our container - see you on the other side!

getting some baby love amidst the chaos

emre the champion, taking it all in stride (inside our hotel room post-pack out)

tears as we say goodbye to the apartment that was our home

one last oktoberfest at the german embassy, ankara

one last birthday cake from ben's folks with my name mis-spelled

at least one of us didn't have a clue about any of the changes taking place

bon voyage dinner compliments of our sweet friends lisa & tom

one last brunch, being spoiled rotten as usual

brudders

sleeping babe at dinner (we ate out most nights while living at the hotel)

we mostly ate at restaurants with playspaces - oh how i miss turkey's child-friendly restaurants & wait staff

breakfast at the hotel.  how we started every morning in those last weeks.

displaying a sign for 'feo's' 1st birthday

daily walks to the starbucks around the corner, so mommy could get good coffee & emre could enjoy a milkshake

one last hair cut with the 'cut cut abi'

last night at the hotel with the awesome aunts who took such good care of us & our children

ercument abi & aylin teyze visited us & kept emre entertained on our last night

forced smiles as we all hide our tears exiting turkey